What a shame with all psychologists and all those who work in the mental health professions. I thought in my naivety they were supposed to side with those who do not fit in this degrading society, but they seem to prefer siding with the State, society, trying to get you to `fit'.

Freud defined a mental disease as the inability to function in society. I had thought he meant that in a liberal sense, that this meant no behavior could be properly labeled as a problem as long as one was comfortable with it and could still function properly. But now I realize how conservative and repressive his thinking was. He was to be interpreted literally, what he meant was that his role was to get people to adapt to society, that society set the standard, not the person.

He saw his work as that of putting people in `working order', for them to become docile cogs, no matter what society they were living in, no matter how unjust, repressive, intolerant, dysfunctional. Put him in Saudi Arabia with a woman patient, and he would see no relation between her ailment and the society that forces her to wear a veil or let her husband take a second or third wife. At best, he was inspired by the notion you can't change society so better fit in it. At worst, he was a willful lackey of the State. In any case, nothing like a revolutionary or a progressive.

I now see those shrinks are tools of the system, re-engineerers of the psyche, people who see the problem in the individual, not in its vicious environment. Oh of course, they will pretend otherwise, try to mollify you, but the proof of my assertion is that they won't let go of you until they think you are back in line.

They will go as far as pretending to `accept' you, letting you believe they have some genuine understanding, they will pretend to side with you, but all the while they won't accept they themselves are part of the system that is the problem.

They prefer betraying their vocation, forgetting why they took up those professions and blocking the way for those with genuine will and a genuine ability to help. Shame to them for misappropriating their science and putting it to use against those it was meant to help. Sellouts. Usurpers. Fakes with diplomas.

How many times did they try to convince me of their theories on my behalf, and when I held steadfast and refused to adopt their interpretation, used their same theory to `prove' me wrong. How can I even be wrong if I don't believe one word of what they say, or when I disproved them. And how beneficial to me can it be to have to defend myself constantly, asserting myself against some tool of patriarchy.

The worst thing in all this story is that I am convinced they know the extent of their treachery and they know they can't build anything on this perversion of their profession. When they ask me to partake in their little useless plays, they actually ask me to betray myself in a futile compassion for their impotence. As if I could ever make real the illusion they have that they can help. As if by some magic I could build anything based on a conscious lie.

Oh, what I hate most are their false promises, the utter waste of time they impose on me. That horrible mix of arrogance, power, greed, lack of means, impotence, and perpetual failure that seems to typify this whole sector in the medical establishment. And what I hate most is me for having to frequent those truly sick, despicable people.