Facts about vampires (from "Let the right one in", http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1139797):

1. very photo-sensitive; would burn if exposed to light.
2. have to sustain themselves by drinking fresh blood.
3. cannot ingest anything else, or would puke and be very sick.
4. become vampires when infected by another vampire, through a non-fatal bite. Other modes of transmission may also reasonably be held to exist. There may be difference between vampires depending on the mode of infection.
5. are hated by cats, who will attack and bite them if in sufficient number.
6. cannot come in a house without being invited.
7. if enter house without being invited, will start spilling blood from every one of their skin pores and orifices (eyes, ears, nose, mouth, etc...)
8. stay the same physical appearance than when first became vampires.
9. cannot resist the urge to drink blood when blood is available. Will lap it up if spilt on floor.
10. will seduce partners to help them in dealing with the necessities of their peculiar life (e.g. helping to travel around, ensuring safety when recluse and sleeping during day, in some cases, even providing fresh blood).
11. have a rather unpleasant (to unused noses) smell, though this is apparent only from perplexed wondering of new guests to a vampire's home.
    
12. become very weak and sickly when not provided with their ration of blood.
13. once satiated, feel much better very quick, smell better and are in much better mood.
14. would very much like to be liberated from the burden of being a vampire.
15. progressively lose the memory of their past human life, as it becomes further and further in time, to the point where they forget their own birthday, or the sensations of being human.
    
16. while stay young, their family, and then partners, get old and die, leaving them alone if they cannot find new partners.
17. inspire deep levels of loyalty, love, respect and devotion, but also fear and guilt, from their partners.
18. age mentally even though not physically, but somehow still keep their own initial age's yearnings.
19. are not sensitive to cold.
20. can fly, and scale trees and buildings.
21. are very light, "don't weigh a thing".
    
22. can materialize out of nowhere in times of need, for their allies or partners.
23. bite their victims in the neck, and will drain them of their blood mightily quick.
24. sometime, especially when drinking blood, or subject to others' of their urges, their "real" (length of time living) age will show on their face.
25. can be very wealthy, from gifts received from their admirers? or from accumulating wealth over so many years? Or maybe from stealing? This is not clear.
26. prefer to live close to the poles, probably because nights are longer there?
27. are ambiguously sexed. Do not consider themselves as human.
28. do not care much for cleanliness, of clothes, body or living environment.
29. have got the most mesmerizing eyes, and very cute smile.
    
30. find it mightily difficult (if not impossible) to resist their urges (usually for drinking bloods), but will then warn the people they care about to stay away.
31. if subject to a strong urge, this will be signaled by strange internal noise, like of a stomach growling with hunger.
32. can be very inventive, sly and cunning in getting their preys to trust them enough to let them close.
33. are very vulnerable because of all the difficult requirements for them to keep on living.
34. have to change places constantly because of how the death of their victims will attract attention, suspicion and revenge.
35. are really quite good with three dimensional puzzles (maybe because lots of time to think about it at night?)

One apple, one lemon, and a clove of garlic, liquefy in a blender, add a spoon of olive oil, blend and drink. If you do not puke, then you did something wrong. Add a bit of ginger?

For good measure, try a spoon of salt in your coffee, I guarantee you will enjoy.

I dislike football, just as I dislike any other team sport for that matter, especially spectator sports involving hairy men making fools of themselves, but I suspect that, were I in Iran, I would develop a sudden antagonistic fondness for that sport. I really wonder why. Maybe a bit of the same way so many Polish people went Catholic in the Communist era.

I have hereby and henceforth decided that from now on I will always be using a straw for the consumption of any liquid, thus eschewing the barbarian habit of drinking from a glass or a bottle. Damned be the rules of propriety.

I wonder if Bush masturbates at the thought of all those he killed. His penis must have become grotesquely elongated with all the practice he got. I wonder if that is why they don't let him go to soldiers' funerals; his state of sexual arousal would be too obvious for all to see.

ION, there is nothing more dispiriting than an intellectual fuming against intellectualism. They just can't let go of their brain, that is quite simply pathetic. You want to tell them, "OK, let go, breathe, breathe, tell us what is on your heart", but no, they keep gyrating inside their skull, they just can't get out of it, they process everything through the brain, and I can tell you, digested feelings don't look good, no, not at all. It makes me pretty sad for them, I would like to take one of those wretched bodies and bring it back to life, but they have developed potent antibodies, they can't let themselves be held.

I wish I had a big big big burly bodyguard. She would take care of all those who annoy me and beat the crap (and some blood) out of them.

Actually, I wish I had an army of bodyguards, full-time, and they wouldn’t get bored, no way.

Putting a bank in a coffeeshop, that is like letting people shit in the kitchen. How I hate those hybrid forms of commercialism. Please please please, keep things separate. I don't want to see people excreting their ATMs while I am sipping my coffee and relaxing. Noppity nope nope.

Don’t you hate it when they do an interview and then they ask right at the end ‘How do you achieve such a beautiful complexion?’ or ‘Do you have any beauty advice for our readers?’ <-- shameless plug for cosmetics promotion. I don’t even think answers are provided by the interviewees.

I was abducted by aliens. They were healthier versions of ourselves, except with a longer neck and a permanent stupid grin on their face. They loved me to bits, so much so they striped me naked and forced me to eat spinach and a kind of puree. All vegetarian. I quickly found out their weakness. They couldn’t resist answering my little ‘whys. They were so full of themselves they couldn’t stand it if I believed they didn’t know the answer. So then of course I kept asking why this and why that and whenever they got fed up I would make fun of them. It drove them into a real frenzy and they would howl in pain, their brain into a wild override trying to solve my operations. After a while, I had a cult following of those whose answers I approved, and they started to fight over whom would next be my favorite question bearer. They grew addicted to my presence and soon elected me ‘queen of the alien’ and ‘first Xenophile’. One day I will come back on my battleship and my questions will run the world over. And over again. Oh why, why, why.

OMG. This is so not fair. He stole the shtick from me. I was first to say I wanted to marry Prince Harry.

I am sure the author reads my journal for inspiration. It is not the first time I see him using things I wrote about before. This one strip is particularly incriminating though. No way Wiley found the idea himself.

I feel the urge to start a lawsuit. My creative genius is being pillaged. This idea bore my copyright. I am calling my lawyer.

Wiley Miller, you are in for some surprise, you cheat. GIMM’E THE MONEY BACK, or I swear, I will rip your spinal column out though your fat ass.

BTW you look stupid and most of your strips are Calvin & Hobbes’ rip-offs anyway. You blood-sucking wussy pansy ass.

With election day comes AMNESTY FOR ALL CRIMINALS. I therefore announce, as the first act of my presidency, that everybody is pardoned and their crimes forgotten. Crawl out of your jails. Take out the guns. Sharpen your knives. Grind your teeth. Go out onto the streets. Kill and steal and ransom people. I declare this the day, the year, the decennium of anarchy. Hail disconscious, your new chief, crazier than the craziest scare mongering idiot on top of the White House.

Oh, and I have to tell you who my partner will be. Because I need somebody to grind the axes. Do the dirty work. Smash the opposition. Gulp your marrows. Spruce up your bones. I have a new favourite for that job. He likes me. He is totally devoted to my cause. And he is very clever. And very strong. And he is so cute. The face of death. *swoons* But I won't tell. I will keep him a secret. I don't want any of you bitches stealing him from me. My treasure. My deeply buried trove. My consolation. YOUR DEATH.

All of you. Dead. And me smiling on top of the mountain of corpses, the fulfilling scent of decomposition entering into me, through all my pores. Hmmm. Immense joy.

“i am not an angry girl
but it seems like i've got everyone fooled
every time i say something they find hard to hear
they chalk it up to my anger
and never to their own fear”

http://www.danah.org/Ani/NotAPrettyGirl/NotAPrettyGirl.html

Guess who this is. Just goes to show: nobody can be a monster all the time. Even Bush has a good side. Look how happy he is. This is such a cute photo.

will be my icon for people who piss me off.

Inspired by this: .

I am soooo refined. Oh yes I am.

Wanna try my new icon?

Go get verbally abused by Jesus (with a Mexican accent).

It is even more amusing than getting verbally abused by me.

"You don't fuck with the Jesus, man!"